Southern-Style Collards and Ham Hocks

Today is Mardi Gras, the last day of unabashed revelry before the 40 long days and nights of Lent begin. To celebrate, here is a good old Southern dish and the perfect Southern drink, a Sazerac. 


And a Mardi Gras manicure...

Yes, those are an attempt at tits on my thumbs. When I showed Santina my Mardi Gras manicure, she was disappointed at the lack of boobs, so I added some to my thumbs. It was her idea to put one on each thumb to form a rack when they are together. They kind of look more like scary eyes, but they make me laugh, so I am happy with them. Longest caption ever.

Eat up, drink up, and get out there, show your titties, and win some beads. 

1 large ham hock
4 lbs collard greens
2 tsp sugar
Salt and pepper
Apple cider vinegar
Hot sauce


1.  Place the ham hock in a large pot.  Cover with water plus about an inch. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer until the meat is falling apart, about 1 hour. Add more water as the water boils away.


2.  Meanwhile, clean the greens and strip them from the stalk. I actually like the stalk, so I leave some of it on, but definitely get rid of any stalk that is large and tough. Roll several leaves together and cut into ~1 inch strips. Do this for all the leaves.


3.  When your ham hocks become tender add the collards, sugar, and a healthy dose of vinegar (I added about a cup) to the pot. Add collards to the pot until the pot is full. Most likely all of the collards will not fit. Allow the collards to cook down and continue adding until all of your greens fit in the pot. Cover and simmer for about 1 hour, until collards are tender. Stir your collards often and keep sufficient water level to all the collards to simmer. About halfway through cooking add salt and pepper to taste.


4.  Serve with a couple dashes of hot sauce, corn bread, and a sazerac (recipe below). I did not make corn bread, and I really wish I had.  Next time.

The Sazerac is one of my all time favorite drinks, but I don't make it all the often. I am terrified that if I make them too often, I will get sick of them. I limit myself to one or two a week, max.


1 cube sugar
1 1/2 ounces Rye Whiskey
1/4 ounce Absinthe
3 dashes Peychaud's bitters
Lemon peel


1. Pack an Old-Fashioned glass with ice.


2. In a second Old-Fashioned glass place the sugar cube and add the bitters to it, then crush the sugar cube.


3. Add the whiskey to the second glass containing the bitters and sugar.


4. Empty the ice from the first glass and coat the glass with the Absinthe, then discard the remaining Absinthe.


5. Empty the whiskey/bitters/sugar mixture from the second glass into the first glass. Rub the lemon peel around the rim of the glass, and place on the edge of the glass, but do not put lemon peel into the drink. (My lemon peel fell in my glass. It should know better than that.)


As a last word, here is Santina with an example of a way to show your titties that will win you no beads.

Bon appetit.

Milanesas Napolitanas and a Fernet Cocktail

Remember when I made grillades and grits, I mentioned that I had a lot of beef round steaks left?  And I also mentioned that the only things I know how to cook with beef round steaks are milanesas and chicken fried steak?  Here are the milanesas.


I used to date an Argentine.  He first made milanesas for me when we lived in DC, and I fell in love.  I had eaten chicken fried steak before, but milanesas feel lighter than chicken fried steak.  I don't know why, but they do.


Then when I lived in Buenos Aires, I ate them on a regular basis.  The restaurants serve HUGE slabs of milanesas.  I capitalize huge because they were seriously huge, like 12 inches across.  It's the type of thing you split between two people.  And there are a million different types of milanesas.  They're not always beef, and they can be topped with all sorts of things.


They are best served, and traditionally served, with french fries, but I didn't feel up for frying both beef and potatoes on the same night, so instead, in an attempt to make the meal more complete, I made milanesas napolitanas: milanesa topped with ham, cheese, and marinara.


About 3 lbs beef round steak, or any thin cut beef
3 eggs
About 2 cups plain bread crumbs
Salt
2 large cloves garlic, minced
Dried thyme
Vegetable oil (I used peanut, not a vegetable)


Deli ham
Cheese (Port Salut or muenster is best.  I used muenster.)
Marinara sauce


1.  Tenderize the steaks by pounding them with a meat mallet.  I used a hammer again because I don't have a meat mallet.


2.  Lightly beat the eggs with a fork and add salt, garlic, and thyme. Mix.


3.  Pass the meat through the egg mixture, and then through the bread crumbs, coating well.  A note here, I have no idea the quantity of bread crumbs I used.  I had the canister next to where I was breading the steaks, and when I needed more, I added more.  That said, I think 2 cups is a decent guess.


4.  Fry in oil until done, usually a couple of minutes on each side.


5.  Place on a towel and let the oil drain.


6.  Set the oven to broil and let preheat a little (I should have put this step sooner in the process, but I forgot and I don't want to renumber, and besides, when you broil you don't really need to let the oven preheat that much).


7.  Place the number of milanesas you want to eat on a cookie sheet or broiler pan.  Put a slice (or two) of ham on the milanesa and a slice (or two) of cheese on top of that.  Make sure some of the milanesa still shows so that your presentation will be pretty.


8.  Broil the milanesas until the cheese is bubbling and browning.


9.  Place on a plate and top with a spoonful or two of marinara.


10.  Eat.

To accompany my meal, I made a Fernet cocktail.  Fernet is a very argentine thing to drink, though it got really popular in the states, at least in San Francisco.  Last winter when I was visiting SF, my brother-in-law made me take a shot of Fernet.  I was disgusted.  Fernet is so not something you shoot.  But, to my point, it is very argentine so I thought it would be a good thing to go along with my milanesas.

2 parts gin
1 part fernet
1 part vermouth


Combine in a cocktail shaker with ice, shake, and strain into a martini glass.  It should be garnished with a twist of orange, but I didn't have any oranges.


I fried up quite a bit of meat making this meal.  I don't think it's worth frying one portion of anything.  And, something I should have mentioned earlier, milanesas save really well.  You can throw them in the freezer, and then put them straight in the oven from the freezer, and they'll taste pretty damn good.


I didn't freeze any, as that would defeat the purpose of clearing out my freezer, but I did eat them throughout the weekend.  One really good way of eating them is in a sandwich, like this.

That is one huge sandwich cut into three pieces.  You heard me; it is NOT three sandwiches, damn it.


Bon appetit.